We put people into mental boxes: gender, generation, nationality, education, emotional connection Brain builds on past experience - better at leaping to conclusions than analyzing them Perceiving is believing. If not, then what are you feeling? Be interested. What are you trying to accomplish?
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Key idea 1 of 8 Listening is a key to overcoming resistance and initiating progress. Have you ever stopped to consider the rhythm of your everyday conversations? If so, you might have found that you approach them as if they were all rational arguments, and this can often be counterproductive.
In fact, using arguments or pressure to influence or convince others often creates resistance. Imagine a man named Steve is standing on the edge of a seventh-story roof, threatening to jump and kill himself. As authorities surround the building and prepare themselves for the cleanup, a negotiator, Lieutenant Williams, approaches Steve.
The problem? Listening gives others the chance to share their feelings and concerns, which creates a space for taking the next steps and making arguments. When we feel like our concerns are being heard, it engenders a certain level of trust between us and our conversation partners. Now imagine that another negotiator, Lieutenant Brown, arrives at the scene to talk to Steve.
By listening, Brown is able to show Steve how he empathizes with his situation. He asks Steve about how he lost his job, why his wife left him, and so on. Steve then starts to calm down and begins to explain his situation, while becoming more open to solutions other than killing himself.
If you want people to be open to your arguments, you have to listen first. Key ideas in this title Listening is a key to overcoming resistance and initiating progress.
We feel positive emotions when our emotions are mirrored back to us. Listening relies on the rational — not the emotional or instinctual — part of our brains. Make sure that you and your conversation partner are using your rational brains.
Showing vulnerability is empowering and gives others the chance to listen to us. The best way to make others feel understood and valued is through empathy. Final summary.
Read in: 4 minutes Favorite quote from the author: Have you ever talked to someone who only talks about themselves? As humans, we want to be heard and understood, and we need to give people that in return by listening to them. What if we need to get a message across to someone else? How do we get them to listen to us?
Just Listen by Mark Goulston
Just Listen Summary